


One Heart

by OnARomanHoliday



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Clara has a son, Dark Past, Doctor is no longer the Doctor, Doctor playing human, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Later sexual content, Mom Clara, Set after the lost of Ponds, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends, Trying to live after tragedy, domestic AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-05-18 00:42:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5891440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnARomanHoliday/pseuds/OnARomanHoliday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After losing his Ponds the Doctor is left alone torturing himself as a punishment until he doesn’t get hit by a ball into the head. As always the smallest of the events are the greatest ones. Domestic AU, Clara and Doctor</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I supposed that when there is an incident and someone…

…people often come into this state of denial were they don’t believe that the person is actually…

…They often argue that it must be a mistake and that the someone who…

…is actual okay somewhere completely else.

Even when people are with that someone as he or she is…

…they have a tendency to believe that it didn’t happen. Call it shock or some breakdown but they still have this hope in them that the person is alright. That he will walk out from somewhere do something so typical for him and you can continue living your life like you did till that moment.  Because nothing bad happened. Nothing’s wrong.

But that state can’t last forever. Not when you are a higher level specie at least. Because when you are you just can’t be in denial, you can’t ignore, lie. You have to accept it because you are something more. You have to do something more. You have a job a job that needs to be done by no one than you.

Because you are the Doctor.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

_‘Raggedy man…goodbye.’_

He opened his eyes finding himself on an old bed in an unfamiliar room. Despite that he didn’t see the outside world behind the windows his delicate nose was immediately hit with the poisoned air that was so characteristic for the industrial revolution.

He couldn’t tell how long was it he just left New York and ran toward some destination that was in need, careless toward the pain that was screaming from his inside, careless toward everything. He just went to catch himself again in the heat of his job so he wouldn’t have to think about… _them_.

‘Look who decided to return to the land of the living,’ said the lizard woman in black dress as she walking inside closing the door behind her.

He sat up not paying much attention to the woman before he got up and walked to the window looking outside, some kids were playing on the street.

‘Do you recall anything that happened?’ she asked. He sensed the motherly undertone in her words. She was going to lecture him for sure. She was that type.

‘Sure.’

He saved another planet that almost caused its own destruction by their pride and carelessness toward the nature. _So sadly typical._ He must have gotten hurt because he felt a sharp pain in his stomach and fainted. Oh, right, he didn’t know how he ended up here. That must be what she is interested in.

‘TARDIS?’ he asked already knowing the answer his eyes on the laughing and running around kids.

‘Yes, your ship must have brought you here so we could take care of you since you were unconsciousness lying in the console room with very low life functions.’

He frowned, anger boiling in him, his finger pressing into his palms so hard it almost hurt.

‘Well pardon me for once in a while needing to be taken care of apparently my only job is to take care about others not vice versa.’

The lizard woman frowned as well, ‘Don’t be a child using my words like that. You know what I meant. We are worried about you. I understand that losing-’

‘Don’t say their names Vastra.’

She walked to him, ‘But what if that is what you need, Doctor? To finally accept the fact that they are-’

‘I know that they are,’ he cut in all the anger gone replaced only with sorrow. ‘No one knows it better than me.’

‘And yet you stubbornly reject any sort of mention of them or avoid the words like dead, gone, lost when it comes to them. This isn’t right, Doctor.’

He turned to her. She could see it all over him. The man once a great warrior a leader a savior was now nothing more than an old man with ache hearts and a broken soul. His eyes were tired beyond exhaustion that no one could experience and still be alive. Everything about his face expression called sadness but Vastra knew that it wasn’t even half of the real sadness that was inside him.

‘What isn’t right is that a man who can save millions of civilizations with a screwdriver can’t save two humans.’

‘Doctor.’

‘Oh, yes the Doctor. The Doctor, the name that makes even the mightiest monsters in the Universe shiver in fear. The name that belongs to the deadliest of the monsters that ruins every life it comes too close to.’

She abruptly careless toward the force she used took his shoulder and shook him, ‘You need to stop this. This… state or phase that you are going through must end.’

He walked away from her anger returning to his face, ‘Yes, because the Doctor doesn’t have time to mourn for his dearest friends. He needs to run,’ he brushed his face, ‘Always run because that is what the Doctor does…That is the only thing he should ever do just run and never stop because once the Doctor dares to stop he will just make…someone suffer.’

Vastra watched him for a moment before she pressed herself against the window frame, ‘Then maybe you should stop-’

‘Agh! Vastra weren’t you listening to what I just said-’

‘Stop being the Doctor,’ she said calmly. So calmly that for a moment he wasn’t sure if she actually said those words. Sure that his mind wasn’t starting to play tricks on him.

He blinked.

‘You seem to be growing quite a beard there,’ she pointed out which caused him to subconsciously reach his face and his fingers to start brushing the growing hairs.

‘It appears so.’

‘Perhaps a vacation is in place-’

He scoffed, bitterly.

‘To help you solve out things. A work that isn’t enjoyed cannot be done properly. And right now I would say that no one is less enjoying something than you being the Doctor right now. And the Universe despite how much it took from you doesn’t deserve a Doctor like you.’

He made a grimace. She could see that he was biting back a comment about that matter. A not very nice one.

He started walking around a bit as he saw that she was standing behind her words as always and wasn’t going to take them back. He was sad and furious and scared and numb and everything running around inside him like a tornado making him mad. Really mad.

‘W-where? Where would I go?’

‘Anywhere, stay here if you please or to the Moon but take a break because you can’t go on like this. This is simple punishment for something you don’t deserve.’

He shook his head feeling tears forming inside ready to burst out, ‘How can you say that when it is my entire fault. If it wasn’t for me they would…I wouldn’t…,’ he started sobbing falling to his knees.

 Vastra quickly rushed toward him hugging him like a mother would a crying child at night when it was scared of the monster underneath the bed.

  **DDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

‘I want to go to London 2014.’

There were several protests from each Vastra, Jenny and Strax but eventually all of his friends had to step back and let him do it. He wasn’t sure what was he hoping to find there. Certainly not _them_.

But he felt…no it was nonsense he didn’t feel anything.

Right after they found a flat for his ‘vacation’ all of them went for supplies. It was almost hysterical how Vastra and Strax were all in black like a gothic family coming from a funeral or a very weird concert but he didn’t laugh.

‘What the bloody hell?’ aggravated Jenny once they were in the shop over the prize of the coffee.

‘What is this? Does it taste like heaven or something?’ she asked him as he was absently standing next to her.

‘I doubt it even has a bean of coffee in it,’ he said pulling out a few rolled together paper-money. He wasn’t even sure how much until he didn’t see Jenny’s eyes widened in disbelief. Obviously, very much. He didn’t even know. He just used his sonic on one of the cash machines on their way to have a look at the flat.

He was a vandal, rebel, he committed massive murders and surely a few burglaries and robberies so what was adding another one to the list?

‘I do not see the point in buying coffee, Madam. The Sir doesn’t even drink coffee. Or do you, Sir?’

He just passed through them to the cash register and put there several items he didn’t even notice he was holding.

This was his new state as he briefly heard Jenny say. Numb. Although, the anger and self-blame were bad enough there was something really creepy about being numb.

He looked down at the things the young looking girl was counting.

‘Do you have any Jammy Dodgers?’ he asked blinking.

‘Pardon?’

‘Nothing,’ he mumbled barely louder than a whisper and ran outside where he sat down on the street waiting for the others to join him.

As the door opened a few moments later he heard Strax shouting at the girl behind the cash register, ‘Don’t you know it’s rude to stare, _boy_?!’

‘Shall we go?’ asked Vastra raising her hand. After a moment he took the hand and together he and all of his remaining friends walked to his new temporary place of staying.

‘The TARDIS is set up to bring you back home and then return to wait if I will need her here later, hidden from the others,’ he said as he watched Jenny and Strax filling up his refrigerator doubting he will even touch half of the food they were putting there.

‘We spoke to your landlady, quite a nice older woman. She will be coming here for the payment every month. The first is paid. You don’t have any neighbors, right now but that can change,’ he silently listened to Jenny’s explanations looking around the small flat. It was on the first floor with only one flat downstairs that belonged to his landlady and one opposite to his, empty. He waited with Strax in the TARDIS while the girls went to deal with getting the flat. It was a nice flat a small, comfy flat. They managed to bring some furniture before he came in and brought some clothes too. Not that he was planning to get out often.

‘Will you be okay?’ asked Jenny as she finished with her instructions and it was time to leave.

He managed a nod to which she quickly reacted with a hug. He held her a bit longer trying not to feel like he was losing another friend and gave farewells to the others as well.

Strax saying something about explosions being effective ways of getting rid of a few politics for their high prizes in the shops and Vastra with confident words of a mother assuring a child that it is going to be alright in the end.

‘And what then? Return as the Doctor?’

She made a grimace, ‘That’s up to you, John Smith.’

Possibly right after they left he fell on the double size bed and woke up several days later. It startled him at first since he really had no idea where he was or what time it was. And just for about ninety-nine or so second he even forget about _them_ and looked around desperate to find out or remember if they shouldn’t be with him.

Then there were months when he didn’t know what to do with his free time. Usually he just wanted to sleep or just be in bed and blankly watch the ceiling or the telly mainly it was like watching the ceiling though.

On the fifth month he went outside partly because he was out of money and partly because he decided to read some. Since he hadn’t had much of that lately.

He even started going out to this nice looking library but once he spotted that one of the librarian’s, a lovely looking girl with big blue eyes, was stealing glances at him and smiling toward him he never came there again and often change them picking the next one as randomly as he could.

It was seven months since he came when he heard a suspicious noise moving up the stairs and through the hall.

As quickly and quietly as possible he went to look through the eyelet to see what was going. He saw a few men carrying boxes to the opposite flat that was empty for so long. Someone was moving in. He waited a little while but only saw the men and his landlady coming in and out with boxes, bags and furniture.

The thought of who might be his new neighbor had filled his mind for the day but no one came. He wondered if it was going to be some family but since the flat was like his with one bedroom, living room, bathroom and a kitchen he doubted that. Maybe one person. He noticed the furniture looked a bit old, in a way used. Possibly an older person. He supposed it could be someone who didn’t have anyone just like him. A pensioner who was living alone had no relatives and wasn’t old enough or didn’t want to go to some old person’s home. Or possibly he got it all wrong.

At night he usually didn’t dream. He suppressed every dream that was beginning to form in his head and so he had a dreamless sleep for the last few months. So his sleep wasn’t as healthy or nice but it was a sleep and he never seems to have enough of it. He protected himself this way from the nightmares he feared that would come hunt him which was why he was so tired and at the same time couldn’t sleep or even more tired once he woke up. He supposed that if Vastra was worried about him then because of his features she would be terrified now.

It was something like early morning when he heard the strange noise and since he wasn’t fully sleeping he opened his eyes. The noise appearing again.

It took him a moment to realize that it was coming from behind the wall which he had suspected that was dividing his bedroom with some other room from the opposite flat.

He heard it again. As innocent as purity itself. Something that could delight every room yet bring thousands of dreadful memories. Still,  doubtlessly the most beautiful sound in the whole…existence. A laugh of a child.

He sat up and pressed himself against the wall trying to listing to the noises hoping to hear the magnificent sound again wondering why would there be a child in the opposite room. The flat was too small for a family plus the used furniture.

But it was a laugh so whatever the reason was the child couldn’t be harmed or anything bad happening to him or her.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

Eventually the sleep came over him again and when he woke up again the sun was up high. He waited a bit wondering if he will hear any noises from behind the wall but everything was quiet like the day before someone moved in.

He decided to go out see if someone wouldn’t come out greeting him. It was simple curiosity which always had a special part in his behavior. He couldn’t stay away even from the smallest of the mysteries especially if those were the only owns he would allow himself as a part of his penance.

As he opened the door he was surprise to find a small plate with cookies behind them.

Surely, they couldn’t be from his landlady. He doubt the woman even owned a kitchen of her own and even if he would be wrong and she could cook there was no point in sending him something now after all those months that they managed to minimalize their meetings to briefs payments every month.

So it must have been his new neighbors. Well, he already knew that there was a child which meant that it wasn’t living alone but with a parent supposedly a mother.

He brought the plate inside and put it on the table. Despite the enormousness amount of food his fridge was keeping for him he didn’t eat much which must have been seen on him because he even felt it a bit. He must have lost a lot of weight too.

Slowly, his finger acting very delicately with removing the clingfilm that was covering it, he then took the small brown goodies and ate them.

During his life he had eaten many different cookies, the best in America, the best in the world, the best in the Universe and the cookies of his new neighbor’s weren’t as good as neither of those.

Nevertheless, in that moment they felt amazing and he wouldn’t enjoy even those best than he did enjoy these from his mysterious neighbor’s right now.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

After that he went out. He was planning to fill up his group of unread books since it was getting thinner and he didn’t want to be left without anything to read if the state of not leaving the flat would come back.

His states were moody too. Once he could go outside other times he prefer to stay all locked up, hidden in the flat. Possibly depressions but he wasn’t sure since he couldn’t recall any TimeLord before to have a depression. Then again no TimeLord went through anything like him.

As he was out he noticed a few kids playing outside wondering if his new little neighbor wasn’t one of them he walked to them. He watched them for a while until he noticed one of the mothers whispering something to the other one looking worried.

He realized once again that he forgot about the social matters of human and that it must have been very odd for a man who may have look terribly, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw a mirror, to be watching a bunch of stranger kids like this.

Feeling as he was doing something bad he quickly tried to leave when he felt something hit him.

 It wasn’t too hard or anything. Yet, for a brief moment he lost balance and ended up on the ground a bit disoriented.

‘Oh my stars, are you okay?’ he heard a female voice coming from his side but his eyes stayed focused on the small red ball that must have hit him into the head.

‘Sir?’ asked the voice again clearly troubled by his lack of respond or trying to get out of the ground.

He looked at her.


	2. Chapter 2

A brunette woman in her early thirties was sitting in a small tea room smiling as a little boy was with a woman who looked like his granny picking up a cake with his finger pointing at each cake quietly with a smile asking the shop-girl about each one.

‘So Miss… Oswald,’ started another woman much older than her who was sitting opposite to her.

‘Ah, yes, you were saying?’ she looked at her putting a few hair’s behind her ear.

‘Well, if you are okay with the payment I don’t see a reason why can’t you move in this week.’

‘That would be great. So it’s going to be you and us?’

‘Yes, and Mr. Smith although I doubt you will be seeing him often.’

‘What do you mean?’

The older woman took her cup of tea looking at it, ‘The man rarely comes out almost never stops to talk. I spoke to his friends when we were discussing the flat. Apparently the poor man is going through some terrible lost.’

The brunette’s face fell, ‘I see. And he lives alone I mean his friends don’t come checking up on him?’

‘No, they said they live quite far and no one has come to visit the poor man ever since he moved in so I doubt that. He occasionally goes out to get some books but that’s about it.’

‘That’s really sad.’

‘Mummy!’

The woman turned to the little boy who ran to her with a wide smile on his face hugging her.

She hugged him back with one hand, ‘What is it honey? Picked up, something?’

‘The chocolate one,’ he said his cheek forming the cutest dimples that only a little child could have.

‘Yeah, well I told you that you would pick that one.’

‘Oh dear,’ said the older woman, ‘it’s always good to know your opinions before you pick something dear.’

‘Yes, g-granny,’ smiled the woman and gave the little boy a few coins, ‘Here you go, Tommy. Go buy you and g-granny something while I will talk with our new landlady for a bit longer, okay?’

The little boy nodded and ran back to the shop-girl with granny following him.

‘Well Miss Oswald.’

‘Clara, Clara is just fine.’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

‘So are you planning to get up?’ asked Clara actually worried about the tall beard man who was either injured or mad since he was still on the ground staring at her. It was starting in the primal meaning of the word that sounded a bit too harsh for what he was doing he was more like looking at her but without a particular way. Not like a man at his only hope or someone clearly annoyed or someone curious. He was simply looking at her without any sort of expression on his face which was both calming and frightening at the same time.

‘I’m sorry, Sir,’ said Tommy from behind her, ‘I didn’t mean to hit you.’

Clara for a moment looked at her boy before she put her eyes back on the man who was already up on his feet on his own, ‘It’s no problem. It was an accident.’

She frowned a bit a momentary thought about that he could offer her a hand to get up crossed her mind but she quickly pushed it back into her mind. She wasn’t obsessed with these things anyway.

‘My name is Tommy,’ said her boy all of the sudden.

She looked at him with a warning. She taught him not to talk to stranger or say his name until she will ask him to.

‘What about you?’

‘Tommy,’ she said in a lower but firm voice.

‘But mummy I said my name first and you told me that if I say my name first then it isn’t rude to ask.’

She sighed. Her little cheater.

‘Yes but it is rude to bother people after you hit them with a ball, honey.’

‘John,’ spoke the man moving the attention of the two back to him.

The now fully standing man was tall really tall and by her guess skinny a bit too skinny and despite that the beard that was mostly bringing all the attention was doing a good work in covering the way he looked she could see that those green eyes were tired and that there were large bags under them.

So, the wheels in her head began rolling as she also got up. The man could be her mystery and lonely neighbor.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

He walked away as fast as possible leaving the cute little boy and his mother behind. He immediately knew that they were his new neighbors. The little boy really looked like he fell out of his mother eye. Brown hair and eyes the same color and his whole face was a minimalized copy of his mother.

He didn’t go to the library afraid that they could meet after he would be returning and so he rather went home to lock himself up.

This was his new life now. He knew he wouldn’t be here forever. It would be weird and people could get nosy when he would stay with this face for so long. Well, he knew a little trick to look as if he was getting older but he didn’t like the idea so much-

‘Mr. Smith?’ He heard a knock and a loud female voice.

His hearts stopped. It was the woman from the playground, his new neighbor.

_No, no, no!_

He ran to the corridor looking like he was about to face… he didn’t even know who because right now no one scared him more than the short woman behind the door that couldn’t be taller than 5 feet.

_He didn’t want this._

He knew what she was going to do. She was going to be all reasonable and chatty and funny and clever and simply brilliant and he was going to start feeling and it will happen again and he will be crushed again by it and even in the worst state than before.

He wanted to stay away. As far as he could. Whoever he got close to got hurt. Hurt beyond hurt. And he surely wasn’t letting that happen to another human. Definitely not a mother with a little boy in her care. That would be cruel, no even ruthless. Something that he wasn’t going to let to happen. Simple wasn’t.

‘Mr. Smith, I know you are there and I want my plate back,’ said the voice.

His eyes went back to the kitchen for a moment. The plate. Of course, nice con. She was going to be all ‘I just came for the plate’ and then start talking and being so _human_ and he was going to fall for it just as he had so many times.

Why? Why were they doing this to him? Always coming, making him get all cocky about himself, saying how much they enjoyed being with him, making promises about forever which he always know they can never possibly keep and then leaving him broken behind when they are either smart enough to leave him like Martha or worst…like _them_.

He brushed his face feeling a small tear falling down.

_No! He wasn’t going to let that happen._

He walked back to his room where he lied back on the bed and put a pillow over his head to keep it from hearing the brunette.

He stayed like that until very much later when the knocking and talking stopped and he decided to take the plate back. Before he opened the door he checked if she wasn’t still standing somewhere behind it. No one was out.

He carefully unlocked and opened the door making sure to be as quiet as possible. Once he was in front of her door bending down the door surprisingly opened revealing the young brunette with one raised eye brow.

‘Seriously? You have a problem to get five steps to your door but not eight to mine, Mr. Smith?’

He watched her for a moment. Petite and mocking of course. Short people like her were either very clever or very mocking to compensate the fact.

He gave her the plate which she immediately took her brown eyes still on him, ‘Thank you, Miss but I won’t need any more of your food or hospitality.’

She didn’t move or say anything. He waited a bit like his body was expecting a reply. Once he didn’t get it a moment after the waiting he turned around to which she responded with words.

‘You know, Mr. Smith whatever happened. It wasn’t you fault. People have a-’

But he didn’t stop at her words and closed the door behind him.

‘-a tendency to find themselves guilty although they are not the reason that something bad happened in the first place. We’re only human.’

He stood behind the door listening to her and although she couldn’t see him there he was sure she knew he was.

_Human_

He made a grimace, a bitter one. That was the word. Yes, a human could say that something wasn’t his fault and actually be right but not him. What happened to _them_ was his fault. His and only his and he couldn’t hide or justified that with anything because he wasn’t a human. He couldn’t say that he was only human and that human make mistakes because he wasn’t one.

He was a Time Lord, a superior specie and he should have been capable enough to do his damn job right. To do what he decided to do the moment he brought upon himself the burden by choosing the name. The Doctor. That was who he was and he could never deny or change that and this whole pity holiday of his was just a pathetic joke to try…he wasn’t even sure what to try.

He suddenly felt angry. Angry at them that they decided to travel with him, over and over again knowing the risk and yet refusing to leave him. Angry at their daughter who must have knew that it was going to happen but didn’t try harder to save her parents. Angry at Vastra and the others for letting him go here only so that he could fix himself because by her words the universe didn’t deserve a Doctor like him. Well, hell maybe the universe deserve just the Doctor like him or even worst for what it’s done toward him. Angry at the boy who started this with his stupid ball. Angry at the woman behind the door that was acting as another human fangirl that was going to get caught up in his life and beg him to let her come along ruining her in the end. But most of all angry at himself for being what he is, the Doctor and that he simply can’t just suck it up and continue the journey or leave the life completely. 

He fell to his knees again. He was absolutely filled with angry. He wanted to kick something, to break something. Just be someone else and let it out. Just let something happen.

He opened the door, the woman was gone, and he quickly ran down the stairs outside, the anger causing him to tremble.

He was very quickly walking, almost running, through the streets looking feverishly around trying to find something he wasn’t even sure what.

Supposedly, he found it in one of the corner streets when he heard a man crying for help as two men were trying to rob him. He wasn’t a violent man. He almost never used physical violence and avoided holding any sort of weapon as much as possible. He was more of a negotiator. Using his words as weapons during conflicts. Usually it worked. Somewhere during his beginning as the Doctor he remember saying that he will never in no way inferior using a weapon, a gun, and just a few regenerations later he was already pointing them around.

Apparently even such a protector as the Doctor could be a violent beast. It made sense. He was a monster after all. Being violent was just another of his feature.

He ran into the fight. For the first time ever since he was very young, a real teenager in Gallifrey and fought over something silly back in school. But then again what was this about? All the fights are about something silly. The men shouldn’t have wanted to take something that wasn’t theirs. He shouldn’t have let the anger and frustration out like that. Again silly.

But oddly it felt good to let it out like that. To feel someone’s jaw against his fist, to feel blood rushing in his ear it was great and at the same time it was terrible. It reminded him not while he was doing it but later about how much it was similar to what he used to do. The feeling of adrenaline rushing through him was the same at least. Still the Doctor was a man who avoids violence but at the time he wasn’t doing the Doctor… he was John Smith after all. And apparently John Smith did. Yet, he wasn’t happy about it either way. He shouldn’t have done that even if he helped a man.

The men ran away. He didn’t even dare to think that it was because of them. The man he was helping was almost a pensioner and he was fighting possibly for the second time in his long life. Well, fighting like this at least. It must have been because of someone shouting from one of the windows that he was going to call the police for the robbers to run away like that.

‘Thank you, I can’t say how much I am grateful,’ said the man putting out his hand for them to shake.

‘Let me buy you a drink. My son owns a pub near. Please, it is the least I could do.’

The idea wasn’t good. He was here to keep himself away from people. All kind. He didn’t want them in his life or whatever this thing of his could be called. A small thought about Universe actually giving him his pensioner who he supposed was his new neighbor.

But the man was insisting and literally dragged him into the pub.

‘George, George!’ he immediately called after the man behind the bar and told him the whole story making it certainly more heroic than it really was.

‘He saved my life for sure.’

_Humans always melodramatizing_

‘No, I didn’t and I really need to go.’

‘But come on, son? One beer?’ asked the man with a hopeful look on his face. Bringing him down was even harder than he would imagine because for a moment he reminded him of another old friend he learned that died a little while back.

‘It isn’t necessary. I’m happy you’re okay but I really need to leave, so goodbye.’

‘Come any time,’ shouted the man behind the bar, ‘the free beer will be waiting.’

He waved and as he was leaving with the corner of his eyes he noticed ‘help wanted’ on the door.

He wouldn’t drink even if he wasn’t desperately trying to stay away from every body’s life as much as possible. He never was a good drinker. He just couldn’t stand it. His previous regenerations were a bit better at it but not him. He was simply rubbish and didn’t feel like making a fool out of himself here in a pub in front of them. He already did that today as he ran to the streets to get into a fight. Idiot. He really is getting dumber with age.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDD**

Returning home he was again angry at himself but just at himself until he noticed the plate behind his door filled with some food.

He almost cursed as the anger from before returning a bit but this time he wasn’t planning to foolishly act on it. He took the plate and put it under his neighbor’s door before coming back to his, locking up once he was in.

Why won’t this woman just let him be? He already told her to leave him alone. Can’t she just take a hint? Well, he was just going to have to try harder.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

‘Mummy?’ asked Tommy just as she returned back to the flat after her neighbor closed the door on her.

Feeling a bit sad with the plate in her hands her boy as always lightened her mood a bit up, ‘What is it?’

‘Can we ask John to come for dinner?’ asked the little boy with his brown eyes shining with hope only a little child held toward things.

‘Tommy.’

‘Please mummy.’

She put the plate on the counter and squat down in front of him, ‘Listen Tommy, I don’t think Mr. Smith is very happy about us messing into his life like that.’

‘But the plate is empty. So he liked the cookies, right?’

Clara chuckled a bit, ‘Yes, I’m sure he did but that doesn’t mean that he wants to be friends with us right away.’

Tommy blinked clearly already thinking up some argument he was planning to use.

‘Look,’ she put her hands on his shoulders, ‘you know how g-granny told you that you shouldn’t ask Mr. Jones about his son anymore? Because he went somewhere far away? To…?’

‘Yes, to heaven.’

She nodded, ‘Exactly, well I think that John is going through something similar and so right now he doesn’t want to be friends with anyone. Sometimes you want to be alone for a while to get over things or people on your own, do you understand?’

Tommy nodded, ‘Like when you broke up with Sam. I didn’t want to be angry with you but I was so I needed to be alone for a while.’

She nodded. Remembering the time she let her own selfishness cause pain to her little boy. Well, she was surely not letting that happen ever again.  

‘I still think there is something right in John. Better than in Sam.’

Clara shrugged her shoulders, ‘Maybe there is. But remember what we said? We are going to have to try a little bit hard and take a little bit longer time before we let someone into the Oswalds family, right?’

‘Because the Oswalds are cool!’

‘Yeah!’ They high-fived and Tommy went to the other room to let Clara cook for a while.

She unlike her parents decided that she didn’t want to have any secrets from Tommy. Sure, she did the classic lies like Santa, Eastern Bunny and she surely wasn’t going to tell him the true about babies making until he wasn’t at least… well honestly she wasn’t that keen on having the conversation at all.

But the other things, she didn’t want to keep those away. Her parents often kept things away from her, to as they used to say keep her safe. For her own good. She hated the words and although she felt like a hypocrite that she had to use it she tried to avoid it as much as she could.

So telling the true in a way that was appropriate for a little five years old was one of her mains rules.

Still, it wasn’t mostly hard. Since he wasn’t giving her much work and rarely got bad about what she did well Sam was an exception but she understood that. She was upset as well and had to really convince herself to leave the great man but she saw the signs and wasn’t letting them be unseen in even the smallest case they would turn out to be what she expected them to.

She shook her head at the thought and continued cooking. Once she was done and they ate talking about their tomorrow when they would meet with their g-granny and look at his new school and her search for a job although that was more of a solo-mission.

Tommy asked if he could clean the dishes which Clara gladly allowed. She knew there was only a very short time during which boys wanted to help with household and she might as well get the most of it while still she can.

In his bedroom she went through some job offers on the internet before Tommy came in with a pleased smile on his face.

‘Washed and dried all the dishes?’

‘Yup!’ he said happy and Clara leaned to him softly kissing him on the cheek, ‘Why do I need a man when I have the best one in the world?’ she asked him playfully tickling him a bit.

The boy laughed.

‘Mummy!’

‘Wanna practice some words a bit or would you like if we rather read a bit, hm?’

‘Read.’

‘Okay, but tomorrow we are going to have a bit more writing, alright?’

‘Alright, mummy?’

‘Hm?’

Clara got up to their small bookcase trying to find one they haven’t read recently.

‘We are going to have to find ourselves a new library too,’ she pointed out reading the titles.

‘Do you think John works somewhere? Or is he like g-granny?’ asked the little boy.

Clara laughed, ‘You mean retired.’

‘Retired,’ he repeated the word. He always done it if he ever forgot it or it was new.

‘No, I don’t think so but I don’t know ‘cause we are not friends so I don’t want to be a liar.’

‘It would be cool if he was something like a fireman or a policeman or a soldier.’

‘Yeah? How come?’ she picked the book.

Tommy lied back down, ‘So we would be save.’

She placed the book on the bed and sat next to him.

‘Honey, do you feel unsafe?’

‘Sometimes in night.’

‘You know, we can sleep again in one bed, right? But like I said and say every night there are no monsters under your bed.’

The boy opened his mouth but Clara cut in, ‘Or in the closet.’

‘How can you always be so sure?’

She sighed.

‘Because Tommy, and I really wish you will never have to see it but… the real monsters they’re within us.’

He looked at her, ‘Like the greedy monster, or jealousy the green one?’

‘Yup, and more. So no, I don’t think they are anywhere alone but that doesn’t mean I will stop checking up. Just in case. Just that I doubt it.’

‘Which is why it would be sooo cool if John had a gun because if you don’t believe something is real how can you see it?’

**DDDDDDDDDD**

Once Tommy was in bed sleeping she went to check the dishes if they were properly clean noticing that one was missing.

Sighing, she opened the door finding a completely untouched food on the plate under her door.

‘Great, why can’t he just want a puppy?’

She took the plate and after very loudly kicking on the door put the plate down walking back in. She waited for several long minutes until she heard the door open, the plate being moved, steps, plate made contact with the ground, steps and closed door.

She opened the door and took the plate in.


	3. Chapter 3

As Tommy was getting dressed and she was waiting for he asked her something she hoped he would just let go.

‘Did John return the plate, mummy?’

Clara was in the doorway waiting for him so they could go have a look at his new school.

She sighed and looked at the floor for a moment before she answered that, ‘Yes, he returned the plate.’

‘Have he thanked for the food?’

She thought for a brief second about lying but eventually gave in. Lying wasn’t her style to deal with these things, ‘No, honey because he didn’t eat the food.’

The little boy put on his t-shirt. She could see how his young mind was processing that sort of rejections. It wasn’t his first. The first one of his own granddad, her own father, and her aunt was something that was impossible to overrule.

‘That’s okay mummy. John just needs time.’

Her mind was taken from the unpleasant memory back to the present and her son who could be very clever and mature despite his age.

Clara nodded, ‘You’re right, my little boy he does. Now ready to see your new school?’

‘Uhm,’ Tommy nodded and ran toward the front door.

They drove to her granny and picked her up because Clara was hoping to go on a job interview that day as well.

Tommy’s new headmaster seemed like a very nice woman who was very pleased with the fact that Clara had already started with Tommy’s educating. Clara had a really good feeling about the school which brought a bit bitter thought about how she could have been a teacher as well now if she hadn’t have to leave school.

 ‘Once Tommy will be having a full time place to be you will be able to start again and finally be a teacher just like you always wanted to,’ said her granny as if she could sense her heavy heart at the moment.

Clara gave her dearest person a warm smile and nodded, ‘Yeah, once I will have enough money to actually be able to function without a job.’

‘You just have to stop worrying and look around. The world is always giving people everything they need and want just that they are too stupid or lazy to take it from its hand.’

‘G-granny,’ she hugged the old woman around the shoulders, ‘I don’t know what would I have done without you.’

‘Well, let’s hope you won’t have to find out dear,’ said the woman and kissed her on the cheek.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

The Oswalds had been gone for the whole day. He heard the little boy excitement about going to look at his new school. He always found it odd how only the smallest enjoyed school while the older ones weren’t very keen about going there.

Having the floor to himself he was relief since he didn’t have to listen to them because the little boy was quite a cheerful one and often laughed making him a little bit miserable each time. Not just for his past but also for the way he behaved toward his mother. But he couldn’t go back on his decision of staying away from them. They’re nice people, _human_ , and he knew how it was going to end.

So he stayed home a bit too much realizing the fact that they were out mostly reading until they later returned with an older woman. They all went into their flat and after a moment he heard again noises surprised that he wasn’t that annoyed by them.

It was later when they all went away Clara apparently driving the old lady home since he noticed she has a car. Not that he was paying too much attention. It was just so that he would be better in avoiding them. 

When they later returned again they stayed in the flat. He occasionally heard them talking or the boy laughing. It was, he had to admit, a bit nice to have some noise around even if a bit annoying.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

‘I think you should find yourself a man because why having one best man when you can have two?’ asked Tommy.

Clara chuckled, ‘You think?’

She took the towel and bound him into it before she took him up from the bath. She was smiling because he was still quite light and she didn’t have to pressure herself so much. This new bath was too big for him to get out on his own.

‘Shouldn’t I leave a few best men for other women? You know the ones that have none best man?’

She started to dry him with the towel.

‘Mummy, I can do it.’

‘Alright.’

‘But you really should. You deserve it. And John seems really nice. I think we should make friends with him even if he doesn’t want us to. He needs someone.’

‘But what if he doesn’t want our help, puppy.’

‘G-granny never wants our help but you still help her even when she yells at you.’

She made a grimace and licked her lips, ‘Yes, but that’s our g-granny. And Mr. Smith is a stranger.’

‘He said his name was John,’ pointed Thomas out.

‘Oh you little smarty!’ she pinched his nose softly, ‘His name is Mr. Smith and unless he doesn’t want to have anything to do with us we don’t want either.’

‘You shouldn’t give up on him, mummy. Everybody needs someone who wouldn’t give up on him. I won’t.’

She sighed. Not understanding why was he so taken by the _John_ she was growing more annoyed by the whole thing.

‘Listen Tommy. No one likes intruders.’

‘But John-’

‘Tommy. Tell me why is John so important?’

Tommy shook his head and sighed before he stepped away, ‘He just feels right. I really thought you can see that.’

He looked away dipping his head down before he looked back at her, his face slightly fallen, ‘I will go put on clothes. Will you put me to bed?’

‘Of course,’ she smiled at him but the boy still looking quite down walked away.

She didn’t understand Tommy’s strange obsession with the lonely man next door. Sure, her son was a sweetheart. He was very caring for people without any sort of prejudice. She didn’t know if all the kids were like that but Tommy was. He loved animals and silently listened to every story the old pensioners from granny’s house for old people were telling him. He could sense when someone didn’t want to talk about something and then again when they did. He was really empathic and with every good act he made she prouder than she ever thought she could be.

Still, the man, John Smith was a pain. Clearly he didn’t want anything to do with them. Fine, he was hurt and this was his way of defence she had been through the same thing when her mother died. But he could just take the damn plate so she didn’t have to tell her boy that he didn’t eat it.

What a dick!

Still not even John Smith could destroy her good mood since she got the job. And although Tommy was still a bit disappointed he was smiling and calmly sleeping after a bedtime story. Then again she didn’t read him so often. Usually, he just needed to be put to sleep which meat that it had also something to do with John Smith.

With the thought of him, his life and how he was affecting hers she lied down and fell asleep, not with a smile on her face.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

He woke up earlier than usual because he had this strange and sudden urge for some tea. Well not some but a specific old one he had once on his visit during the 14th century Russia. He got quickly dressed and ran out of the flat to try to find some in one of the shops. He could use his TARDIS. He knew where she was and all. He just didn’t want to. Using TARDIS even using his screwdriver was something like betraying the purpose of being John Smith and not the Doctor.

He searched for almost four hours unsure if he wouldn’t meet the Oswalds on his way back when he found another Russian tea shop.

He almost closed the door and ran to the other direction when he noticed the brunette woman behind the counter. It was unbelievable.

She was either following him or the Universe was making fun out of him. It was incredible.

Impossible.

He would have run but the small bell that was on the door made a noise and she looked up clearly as surprised as him.

Her eyes were wide and he was sure she must be thinking that he is the one who is following her since they were so far from their flats.

It was a moment until she put her hands on her hips in a challenging way and raised a brow, ‘So? Are you going to come in or are you just going to stand there and look like a creep?’

Swallowing hard, he slowly stepped in and walked to her, her face unchanged.

‘Aren’t you going to ask me what am I doing here?’

‘Well, to buy some tea I hope. They don’t pay me for chatting.’

‘Right,’ he dragged from a one foot to another. Trying to convince himself to calmly deal with the new situation and leave as soon as possible, ‘a box of Canvas Russian Tea. Please’ 

She turned around.

‘It’s on the third shelve from the top. Green box.’

She took it, ‘Good eye.’

‘I wasn’t snooping you or anything…’

‘I know,’ she turned to him, her face didn’t wear any annoyance or anger, ‘a real Noisy Parker wouldn’t come in. He would watch from afar.’

He couldn’t help, ‘You know a bit too much about these things.’

She smirked, ‘I know a few things.’

He almost smiled. He could feel his lips coming up, forming but he managed to stop himself just in time and rather coughed, ‘The tea please.’

The smirked was gone. Clara nodded and put the box into a small bag once he paid he ran outside, cursing in his head.

What an idiot!

Stay away and you walk to the only shop she is working in?

What was wrong with him? With her?

Gosh, can’t everyone just let him be.

‘Mr. Smith!’

He froze and turned around Clara was running to him from the other side of the road he already crossed holding the bag.

He gave a quick look to his hand.

Of course he forgot the stupid bag!

‘You left it there.’

He took the bag, ‘Thank you.’

‘Listen,’ she started stopping him once again, ‘About the food thing. That was my son. He just had a feeling like you needed a friend and he figured that-’

‘Ms. Oswald, I appreciate your effort, I truly do, but you need to stop.’

‘I know but you just want it that way because you-’

‘I don’t want your help or need it. And I surely don’t want to be friends with you, or your son. I don’t want you or your son to leave me food, I don’t want you being everywhere. In fact I want you to be as far away as possible.’

Clara frowned. The conversation was getting tensing and she had a feeling she wouldn’t cool it down.

‘Mr. Smith-’

‘No, Ms. Oswald, you listen here. You and your son need to stop all these madness and deal with your own lives. I am sure you have quite enough on your shoulders without dealing with me and I don’t even want you too. Thank you,’ he turned around partly relieved that he got it out partly upset that he was forced to do it but didn’t get far as Clara took his elbow and spun him around.

‘You are a selfish bastard, you know that? I understand that you feel like the cause of every damn thing in the Universe but guess what you are not. And you know what I wanted to give you your space because I know what it is like to want that but my son? My son wants to help you and you put the stupid plate under our door couldn’t you just knock and thank? You are not the cause of everything. But okay, I am leaving and I will tell my son that you are some murder so he would finally get over a dick like you. Just so you wouldn’t think that just because people near you are getting hurt I am leaving. And just so you know I hope something happens to me just so you will know that you are not the reason or the center of the Universe and I wasn’t you stupid fault.’

They were both angry and annoyed and frustrated and apparently much more. It was like someone put oil or some alcohol in a small camp fire creating a huge bonfire.

 He couldn’t stand this woman who didn’t know what she was talking about and he turned around.

She was terrible. Who was she to say something like that? What did she knew about him? He isn’t the center of the Universe? Please, he is the reason there is a Universe. Stupid and crazy and annoying woman!

She was still talking but he just wanted to leave asking himself why have he wanted the stupid tea in the first place.

Then he heard the car that was desperate to stop.

He heard a hit.

And woman yelling, ‘Oh my god, he hit her.’

In that moment his hearts stopped.


	4. Chapter 4

During her childhood was Clara lucky enough to never be sick. Until her twenties when she had Tommy she never was in a hospital. She rarely visited a doctor and almost never took any medicine. She never had anything broken or even dislocated. Every disease she faced was unfortunately only thanks to Tommy.

Someone would have thought that having her wrist sprained would be a quite interesting experience. That she would be carefully watching her doctor’s work as he was putting on the elastic bandage wrap like an eagle just as she does whenever Tommy is sick and dealing with the doctors. But instead of that Clara couldn’t take her eyes of the man sitting on the small chair in the corner of the room.

She simply couldn’t look away from him. Him sitting there quietly eyeing her from time to time only to almost ashamed looked away whenever their eyes met. She just didn’t believe that he had taken her to the hospital. Sure, she knew that he was a good person… well she didn’t but she had a hunch. He seemed like a man who was because of the loss angry at everyone but in the end remaining the good guy. Still, one thing is to make sure you are alright after a car crash another is to drive you to one and stay with you during the whole time.

She could sense how it was uneasy for him, being here with her, when he must have promised himself he would stay away from everyone. But at the same time she knew he was probably relieved or frightened to dead that she almost died like that after a fight with him. Well, she hardly could die since she only had a sprained wrist but that was just her luck.

Once the doctor was done he told her something and wrote a prescription but Clara still couldn’t focus on the man who apparently seemed annoyed by her behavior because he turned to John almost snapping at him.

‘Will you be able to tell her what to do?’

She could see how John frowned probably because the tone of his voice and raised his head, ‘Shouldn’t you be a little bit caring toward the patients?’

‘Well, my duties here are over and I don’t have time for some romance drama!’

She was a bit surprised to see how his face turned a bit redder after the doctor pointing out something like that.

‘Your patient’s wellbeing should be on the top of your list,’ he said clearly upset walking to the man taking the prescription from his hand, ‘But yes, do whatever you feel like you need to do while I’ll take care of your patient.’

She could see on the back of the doctor’s ears that John’s statement brought him redness to the face before he abruptly left the room.

Clara looked at John as he reached for her sweater looking at it for a second before he decided to at least put her right unharmed hand in the sleeve since it was a bit chilly out for a late august day.

‘How do you feel?’ he asked while helping her. Another thing she wouldn’t have imagine him doing for her.

‘Ms. Oswald?’ she could hear the worry on his voice and was surprised she already knew him enough to catch it there.

She realized she was looking at his hand on her arm as he was helping her into the sweater and looked into his face, ‘Sorry spaced out for a sec, I’m okay it’s just the wrist you were there while they made me the CT which was absolutely unnecessary-’

‘Right, because getting hit by a car is a piece of a cake,’ he started sounding upset again.

‘But I am endlessly grateful because I wouldn’t have got it by myself. Surely not today at least. You have to tell me. Are you a police officer or a do you work in the politics?’

‘You’re welcome but what makes you say that?’ he asked without adding much thought to the fact that he put his hands around her hips and placing her down from the camp-bed.

‘Well, the card that you showed the nurse at the entrance. I didn’t see it but it must say very important man and everything allowed.’

‘Not everythi-,’ he began to argue but stopped and for a short moment smiled.

‘Yes, it sort of does. But you didn’t answer, Ms. Oswald. I mean how do you feel emotionally? You got hit by a car after all.’

‘It was a small hit but I suppose I’m still in a shock. Ask me in an hour… Gosh, what time is it?’

‘A little before twelve o’clock. Tommy?’ he asked while checking his watch.

‘No, he is with his g-granny. I promised the lady that owns the shop that I will come back as soon as possible.’

The frown and worry in the voice was back, ‘Are you sure you alright for that? Wouldn’t you prefer to rest a bit?’

She looked at him and smiled. Despite that she didn’t like when people were worried about her or messing into her life like this she couldn’t help but feel quite pleased with John’s attitude toward her. It was mostly for his one good since she understood that if he would be friends with her and let her in he could easily heal and forgive himself for whatever he believed was his part in his loss because she could see that there was this guilt in him.

‘That is very kind, Mr. Smith, but I’m sure I can handle a few hours in work. Now,’ she took the paper from his hand, ‘Do you think you can tell me what the doctor said? I haven’t been paying much attention to him.’

‘Really? And what have had you so distracted, Ms. Oswald?’

The smile turned into a small smirk but when she looked up she immediately knew that despite how it sounded it wasn’t a flirt or a joke but still a genuine concern.

‘It could be still a head trauma. Wouldn’t another CT be in place?’

‘No,’ she shook her head, ‘I was just thinking that’s all. I am alright.’

Maybe not absolutely convinced he nodded before they headed toward the pharmacy.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

To be honest. At the moment his hearts literally stopped beating. His hearts stopped and his whole body got into a quick adrenaline shock as they started working again.

He turned around and rushed to the road spotting Clara partly lying and partly sitting on the ground. In a second he was next to her. His hands on her cheeks checking her head before he noticed how she was holding her hand. She hadn’t said anything yet and her face started to go a bit red but he guessed it was because of the pain.

Still without thinking it through he quickly put his hands around her waists and brought her to her feet asking if she could stand. She managed a quick nod probably shocked herself, her eyes carefully watching him as he quickly examined her legs careless toward the people around them who were watching.

At some point the driver came out of the car saying that it was Clara’s fault since she ran without looking and Clara’s employer who was asking if she has to go to the hospital. He was feeling that he was becoming angry again but for a completely different reason.

Clara was telling something to her boss while he shot a deadly glance to the man to get lost.

He asked her for her keys and when she fetched them from her pocket he used his driving skills which were sometimes better than with TARDIS and drove to the nearest hospital since he knew how long it could take an ambulance to come.

Wasting no time he took his psychic paper and waved it in front of the nurse to get Clara a CT. It was like a dream. He was still filled with adrenaline. It was his second small adventure he had here and he couldn’t help but hate it even more than the incident with the fight.

While Clara got into the machine and he calmed down yet still thinking about her words before she ran that road and got hit. Could it have been a sign from the Universe that it wanted him to be with her? If yes, why should he listen to it? It was cruel all this time so why wouldn’t it be different this time? Maybe it was planning for him to stay near her in order to take her away just like all the others before.

He shook his head. It didn’t matter who or why has it happen. It has and there was nothing he could do about it. Just to make sure Clara Oswald and her son would be alright.

**DDDDDDDDDDDD**

While he was driving her back to the shop in her car which he made sure he drove as safe as _humanly-_ well as safe as he could he noticed during his brief checkups on her how Clara suddenly started shaking and the calm and breakeven look on her face was gone, replaced with something he supposed was a look a person had before crying.

‘Mr. Oswald?’ he asked and stopped the car.

‘Uhm?’

She looked at him putting his fingers into her mouth suddenly biting her nails, ‘Sorry,’ she mumbled her fingers in her mouth.

‘I just realized that Tommy and my granny would be alone if I died today and that I literally called it upon me because I said that I want something to happen to me just to prove a point right before I ran to the road like some child who didn’t know better.’

A few tears started running down her cheeks and he started panicking. Back when she was hurt she was a brave woman who didn’t made the slightest complain although that her hand must have hurt but right now she was a weak almost fragile thing that needed some comfort.

But despite that he was pretending to be someone else wasn’t a comforting person. He never was that. He always had a feeling he would say something wrong and offend someone. Even more and worst were tears. He hates them always had and always will. He himself cried a lot after losing _them_ but even before it was his unhappiest and most hated thing about humans. They cried a lot and no matter how much he tried to avoid it and not let it get to him he couldn’t. Once he heard the sound and saw the water he was immediately caught in a dilemma.

He wanted to help. He really did. It used to be his only purpose to save, help, protect and even then it had been hard in doing so. Now, he wanted to be a different… _well man_ yet he couldn’t help feeling the need to comfort Clara Oswald and make her stop with the feeling that he didn’t want to because he knew she would get too attached toward him and eventually it would ruin her just like so many before.

As she took the hand away from her mouth and put it over her eyes, as if she was doing so to feel less bad for crying like this in front of him, he literally felt an intern pain watching her like that. Very gently and very hesitating he put a hand on her shoulder.

In a few moments her right hand moved to his hand and she took it squeezing it so hard for a moment he wondered where did a strength like that came from a petite woman like her. But clearly she had to have some strength as she was on her own with a child. Children liked to get carrying and quite often.

He understood that her squeezing his hand so hard was her way of stopping tears. She was a strong woman who must hate appearing like this in front of him.

He was looking at their hands. Although, it was hurting he haven’t mind. It fact, he ashamed had to admit he enjoyed it. In months it had been his first physical contact with another being and maybe the Time Lords weren’t the species that wanted or needing the contact as much as humans he had to admit… It was nice, no more than nice it was exquisite to feel someone’s warm skin apart from the pain.

As Clara started breathing and got back to normal the pressure of her hand had been removed and he felt how they were now just oddly holding their hands like it meant something.

He let her go and again started up the car completely avoiding this time looking at her. He needed time to get himself back to normal. He did his absolute best to remain his eyes on the road as he felt hers on him and he didn’t trust himself enough to look at her right now.

_Silly Doctor again falling for the human tricks?_

 He gripped the steering wheel tighter.

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

‘What time are you leaving then?’

They both knew that he was talking about. When he should come here again and pick her since she couldn’t drive with her hand. She had a thought about protesting but the fact that he offered it himself was sort putting him on a track of getting better so she didn’t want to make him be unsure again. It was a fine start for someone who was trying to get back on his feet.

In a way she knew Tommy was right and that John needed friends just as much as he needed the time. 

‘About five or-’ Clara turned to look at her employer. The redheaded woman in her late thirties didn’t look much happy about her idea as she creased her forehead.

‘Six I guess,’ she said now looking unpleased herself.

‘Something wrong?’

‘They are locking up the house for old people were our g-granny lives and where I put Tommy when I have somewhere to go and can’t take him.’

‘I can take him and then come for you?’

But now the doubt did kick in. Not just because he was a stranger and he was going to take her car and her son for a ride but also because she didn’t know if she could put all of this on him before they become friends. She didn’t know if he didn’t feel a bit guilty for what happen to her too that they fought like that.

‘Are you sure?’

‘It’s not a problem, Ms. Oswald.’

She could see the almost invisible and soft smile that appeared on his face and couldn’t suppress her from coming out too when she saw it. She had to admit he had one of the prettiest smiles she ever seen on a grown up man.

‘Thank you. But in that case you have to come for dinner.’

The smile was gone. She blinked. A small thought about the smile hit her. He had a really pretty smile despite that it was mostly covered with the beard but she had to think about it. It was a very remarkable smile. She had this feeling that she had already seen it somewhere.

‘That isn’t necessary,’ he said bringing her back to present.

‘Of course it is. It’s a ‘thank you’ thing. Plus no more plate fights, alright? I can’t afford to lose another hand,’ she joked to ease his mood again.

‘I still don’t-’

One ‘Clara special’ glance and he sighing nodded, ‘Alright, but how are you even planning to cook with one hand?’

She smirked, her eyes shining with an almost devilish twinkle, ‘Obviously, you never had a child for a long-term in your care.’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

He still was a bit anxious about the whole helping thing. He could ask her granny or g-granny or whatever they called her which was quite interesting if she didn’t know how to drive or if Clara couldn’t walk still that would be a bit mean since it was quite far from their flats, the shop and the house for old people. 

He took the car right away. Clara allowed it but he didn’t go for the boy it wasn’t even two o’clock. He stopped on an empty parking place and sat there in the car thinking about what he was going to do.

He felt guilty about what happened to Clara if he didn’t upset her like that she wouldn’t have ended up hurt in the first place. It was her left hand and Clara was righthanded it still was impossible to drive and really hard and impetuousness to do anything else with the hand at this state. Helping her out was the right things to do despite how stupid it was. He was more than sure about how was this going to end. He already… that was it he nothing…. because this was going to be just something like a day work a job for him. Yes, many people could barely stand their jobs but they have been doing them anyway because they had to.

He was going to be just like that.

Right, because he was so good at keeping his distance from them till now.

  **DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

‘H-hello, Tommy.’

‘Hi, John,’ greeted him the always cheerful looking boy once he came to the back seat putting the seatbelts immediately on, ‘G-granny sends her apologies but the witches wouldn’t let her leave the house since it’s past five.’

‘Oh, that’s okay but I don’t suppose you mean real witches, do you?’ asked John who was for the first time looking at the boy from such a short distance. It was quite a while since he was with a child.

The boy was really handsome and had many features from his mother. He could understand from his behavior that he is a happy child although he only lives with his mother and often has to be with a group of much older people. He must be very friendly and quite the concerned and caring being too since he spent so much effort into helping him out.

‘No,’ he laughed, ‘She calls the nurses that way. G-granny doesn’t like to be told what to do.’

‘I see. Have your mother called?’

‘Yeah, mummy said you will be picking me from g-granny’s but she didn’t say why. Did something happen?’ he asked with the curiosity of a child but he could sense he was worried.

‘Well-,’ he hesitated. What should he say? Should he lie? Try to change the topic? Tell the true?

‘Uhm, you’re mummy is alright,’ he said in order to spare the little boy. He knew he would notice his mother’s hand right away but he didn’t want to be the messager of the bad news. He knew how to lie. He did it quite often.

But the moment he said it and looked at the little boy to make it sound even realer he was a bit taken by the very watchful look he was giving him. It was a very intelligent and strong look for such a young child. Could it be that the children were growing up faster these days or was it just this one particular boy?

‘John, mummy says lying isn’t nice and she never lies to me,’ started Tommy his eyes still steady on him.

‘So you shouldn’t lie either, John. You wouldn’t like if I would lie to you.’

He blinked shock more than anything about the little boy’s words, ‘H-how do you know that, Tommy?’

He shrugged his shoulders, ‘It just feels like that. And mummy said that we should give you time and that maybe you didn’t want to be friends with us. And she wasn’t very happy about the food.’

‘Clever boy,’ he said a bit too happy in a contrast to the mood he has been having ever since _them_ but he couldn’t help it. He felt proud and excited for a moment about the way how such a little boy could deduce something like that.

In the second as he remembered _them_ and what he was doing, that he was being excited and well…thrilled like this, the corners of his lips fell back down and his visible but sudden excitement was gone just as quick.

‘Yes.’ If Clara didn’t lie to the boy who was he to do so.

‘But firs you must know, Tommy. Mummy is alright. She is safe and alright and we are going to come get her from work because she couldn’t leave earlier. Do you understand that?’

‘Yes.’

‘But mummy had a little accident and now she can’t drive.’

‘But she is alright, right?’

‘Of course, Tommy, I have said that.’

‘Okay. So what happened to her?’

‘Maybe it would be better if she would explain, hm? Because she might wanted to tell you in person so she haven’t said anything through the phone?’

**DDDDDDDDDDDDDDD**

The boy seemed to be satisfied with the answer and they finally head for Clara.

During the ride the boy was quite the talkative little thing. He didn’t push the topic of Clara’s wellbeing which made him ease up a bit and didn’t ask about anything from his past which he was grateful for.

They started talking about astronomy. Unsure how did they managed to get from the teas shop where Clara started working to astronomy but they have. He had to say he was enjoying the conversation. Tommy was a very clever child. He showed quite the knowledge for a human child and he liked talking to him. The ride was very enjoyable and although he didn’t want to be in the pleased mood he couldn’t help it. Tommy’s cheerful nature was simply getting to him. Before he could stop himself he was telling the boy about Sliediče.

‘What?’ laughed the little boy.

‘Sliediče. I will have you know that they are one of the most funniest creatures in the whole Universe and that is something to say cause the Universe is just enormous almost endless.’

‘Enormous and endless,’ repeated Tommy and he understood that they was his way of learning new words.

‘Yes, so Sliediče they are very fat which isn’t anything bad. The funny thing is how they are fat they have this body which looks like a muffin and…’

He was entertaining Tommy with his explanation about how the aliens had to run every time for five minutes whenever they are hungry which is quite often and tried to in a comic way explain how they look while doing so.

As they parked in front of the tea shop Clara was already out waiting for them. She quickly opened the back door giving the little boy a one hand hug and a kiss while she was assuring him that she was okay. The boy although he seemed okay was returning the affection holding his mummy close.

For a moment he felt like an intruder. Watching the scene was just too hard because he could feel the love that was between the two and was very hard to be around people like that. He felt his own hearts ache at the terrible thought that Clara Oswald could have been dead and Tommy left without her. It was a disaster in many ways since he knew he was getting too close and at the same time couldn’t leave them. He felt really torn apart because of them. He needed to stay away. This was proof that he couldn’t just come to their lives even if just for a moment because it was impossible to get out.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t even noticed Clara sitting next to him to putting on her seatbelt.

‘Mr. Smith?’

He blinked and looked at her. Her smile was surprising but lovely and warm causing him to feel slightly better. He could think about his sins later.

He smiled back, just a bit but they both know it was enough.

As he started up Tommy spoke, ‘Mummy, do you know what’s funny about Sliediche?’

Clara sputtered a laugh.

Blushing a bit as she wiped her face she looked if he has seen her, which he had, before she turned back to Tommy.

‘No, what is funny about them?’


End file.
